Mr Shouty Trousers Welcomes You
Our Belief System
The world is divided into Celts and Saxons. Not literally, of course. That would be scary. It’s just that it works so well; if you just divide us all into Celts and Saxons there’s virtually nobody left in the middle. Call it Gryffindor and Slytherin if you prefer. Not sure who gets the Hufflepuffs - probably Belgium.
Celts dream their world into being, as fascinated with ideas as with things. Saxons live in a material, solid world. They have a strong need to dominate, and genuinely fail to understand why anybody would choose not to be the same. Saxon imaginations are limited to projecting their own values, so they see difference in others as failure.
These two peoples are not incompatible, but left unchecked, the aggressive Saxon will edge the Celt to the hills and the shoreline. Placenames are a reminder of this.
Companies, of course, respond to the Saxon in us all. Saxons rise to the surface like, well, the sorts of things which rise. Big floaty turds spring to mind, but I’m sure there are better examples. Being at the top, Saxons impose their efficient hierarchical natures on every organisation they penetrate. Penetrate and dominate. Rewarding Saxon modes of behaviour in the process. The Saxon instinctively creates a structure in his own image, which is, of course, the image of a winner.
The nations underground will rise once more to eject the Saxon. They are just sleeping now. Whenever you're ready, boys.
It's only been a thousand years; we haven't forgotten. We don't mind your DNA, it's the values we can't stand.
As Celts, we do not venerate money, although a little more would be nice. We do not promote war, but fuck with us at your peril. We value integrity, respect, good humour. We value values. We are the slightly shabby supermarket with the friendly staff. The company which does well each year, but is ridiculed in the financial world because we choose not to grow, blindly, like a tumour. We are there when the wind blows and the rain falls on you, and we will share our umbrella. We didn’t sack Mrs Cartwright when she became old, we just gave her more appropriate jobs.
We worry about America. The bloody Saxons obviously got in there early. Bit like that Dracula film. Slightly scary, seeing the hereditary principle applied to the US presidency. Give us a shout, lads, and we'll pop over there and sort a few out for you. By the way, that wasn't us in the 18th Century. Saxons. Just can't trust 'em.
Feel free to email me with thoughts, ideas and/or rants. Be warned that rants may appear on these pages, possibly edited to make you look foolish. Go on. You know you want to.
Email me. You can't imagine how lonely it gets in this hollow space beneath the mountain.
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