Conservative Party to Be Discontinued
David (Dave) Cameron, leader of the Conservative Party, will be the last, we can exclusively report.
"We've come to the end of the line", said a Central Office insider. "We will still continue to maintain existing Conservative policies, but v6.1.3 is our final version. There will be no upgrade, and when Dave expires, we will issue a de-support notice and shut up shop.
The move was largely blamed on changes to candidate selection rules.
"We're not allowed to select perverts any more, old-fashioned Tories who take cash bribes are also against the rules and fox-hunting is actually illegal, whereas it used to be compulsory. We don't do anything, really. We don't believe in birching thugs any more, we don't support the death penalty and most modern Conservatives wouldn't know one end of a rent boy from the other. Don't even mention tax cuts. There's almost nothing left of old-fashioned Conservative virtues. At least Dave is an Old Etonian, so we're going out on a high.
The Conservative Party is the latest in a long line of British political parties to be discontinued, including the Liberal Party (sometime in the 1980s, nobody can be bothered remembering), The Labour Party (1997) and, of course, The Official Monster Raving Loony Party (1999).
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