Racey Tracey Has a Heart of Gold

Top Charity Award for Plucky Civil Servant

Tracey Temple, the civil servant whose 2 year fling with John Prescott, Minister for Verbal Dexterity, shocked a nauseous nation, is to be awarded a coveted 'Heart of Gold'. The award normally goes to teenagers who save kittens from blazing roofs; this is thought to be the first award for shagging a corpulent minister.

"I'm speechless", she told reporters this morning. "I just did it for Britain. I never really thought of myself as a hero. Martyr, possibly, but not a hero.

"John has come in for a lot of stick, but really he's quite a remarkable man. His pillow talk was extraordinary - I'd never really considered inner city congestion charging as a sexy topic, but now it will be permanently linked, in my mind, with the image of John's face looming over me. Naked, except for his socks. I don't think I'll ever be able to erase that image, no matter how much gin I drink.

Colleagues were quick to pay tribute to the stout-hearted civil servant.

"Thank Christ it wasn't me!" said one. "I managed to get an assignment in Sellafield instead, eating leaked nuclear waste. At the time I hated it, but in retrospect I reckon I got off lightly. We all wondered why Tracey kept weeping for no apparent reason. Makes me feel ashamed of myself; I've been a bit low recently, mainly because I've started pissing radioactive caesium and, you know, losing weight. Compared to Tracey, though, I'm a bloody lottery winner.